


Full

by Inarikasugawa



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, sad nsfw, too bad you're my baby Lud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:54:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2395811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inarikasugawa/pseuds/Inarikasugawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His hands start to shake. Old feelings that he thought they had dealt with are resurfacing, and Ludwig doesn't know how close he can get before he breaks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The nights were lonely when Ludwig was doing paperwork and there was no clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen below, when there was no sound of the dogs barking happily as they chased Feliciano around the house after Ludwig had said, for the eighth time, that he had work to do. It wasn't either that he had to worry where Feliciano had gotten himself to because Ludwig was very aware; Felciano was out on a date with some girl he had met sightseeing the other day. With a groan, he shut away the glare of his laptop and looked over at the clock and the soft red illumination showed him that it was halfway to eleven in the evening. Feliciano had told him not to wait up for him, but there was still a feeling of apprehension that he only ever felt when he thought of Feliciano, somewhere between concern and something he couldn't identify. The only conclusion that he would come to this night was that he needed to go to bed, and that he could probably expect Feliciano in the morning sometime. Even as he laid down to sleep, Ludwig could not remove the alien gnawing in his belly, and his sleep, when it finally came to him, was troubled and thin; he woke up several times in the night, and not for the first time, looked over at the clock and willed it to be morning when his eyes opened next.  
Ludwig's night of sleeplessness came to a close with the chime of his alarm, and rubbing his eyes, he felt a warm body in the bed with him. “Feliciano how many times-” but it was not one, but in fact three other bodies in bed, Blackie, Berlitz and Aster, one of them having nosed the door open to let in their fellows, crowding on the bed wherever there was space. It was a little strange to Ludwig that Feliciano hadn't come back, but it was more likely that he had gone home, and so Ludwig put it aside and got up to a quiet house, with no one trying to put off starting the day. Ludwig enjoyed a quiet breakfast with the morning paper, a peaceful run with the dogs in the early morning, his breath puffing out in front of him, and came home to shower, everything in place. No, this was not loneliness.  
Ludwig was, of course, the first person present at the meeting of nations, early for the sake of setting up, organizing the breakfast that would be catered, the lunch, the topics of discussion, pretending that the entire thing wouldn't devolve into chaos at the slightest provocation. He liked to think that there was hope, especially with important topics on the table today. As the others began to file in, there was a distinct lack of a certain presence, and a strangely smug look on the face of Italy South. Ludwig gave Lovino a quizzically defensive look, but it seemed to have no effect on the elder Italy's countenance, and Ludwig realized that Lovino must know something as to his tardy brother's whereabouts, approving in his lack of anger towards his chronically absent brother. Ludwig felt that same feeling he had gone to sleep with, that vexed concern pushing the limits of his own concentration until, during a period of extended silence where everyone was looking over some papers, and by looking over, Ludwig of course noticed that at least three people were asleep, and another handful had found something more interesting in the bottoms of their water glasses, there was a flurry of sound outside the door, preempting the explosive entrance of a rumpled Feliciano, still, as Ludwig noticed, wearing the clothing he had been wearing the night before. There was a whistle of appreciation from Francis and a few congratulatory hoots from Spain, Belgium and Lovino. Feliciano took a small bow before hustling to his seat near Ludwig, a place that was his honorarily from years ago. Ludwig himself tried to get back to the meeting, but every time someone else took the floor he noticed something else about Feliciano's appearance; his hastily put together tie, his shirt which looked as though it had spent the night on the floor of someone's room, buttons not quite lined up near the collar that only barely covered the mark of a line of maroon bruises along his clavicle. Ludwig didn't realize that he was staring until there was the sound of a throat being cleared, and at once he turned to his watch, finding that he could finally dismiss the congregation for lunch.  
He pulled himself away almost more quickly than anyone else, managing to, he hoped, avoid the snickering face of Lovino, the knowing eyes of Francis and Antonio, and most of all, he hoped to avoid Feliciano. All he could hear were his own heavy footfalls as he headed opposite the others making their way to the dining area to eat, looking for a room he might be able to find a bit of privacy to collect himself in. Finding such a place to, no, not hide, he just needed to sit down a moment. A moment was all that he got, because not a minute later the door to the conference room he was using was pushed open, perhaps a bit timidly, and he thought that if he hid that maybe Feliciano would just go back to the others. “Lud? Are you in here?” Feliciano stepped through the door and shut it behind himself, looking on at Ludwig with quiet, wondering eyes. “Are you feeling alright? You stormed off really fast. Are you not feeling well? I could go home with you and cook you some antipasti caprese, or that potato gnocchi you like so much?” Ludwig could only stare for a moment as Feliciano shifted a bit uncertainly, looking himself over unselfconsciously and noticed the buttons undone. “O-oh! Oh I... one minute Lud I just-” Ludwig had closed the distance between the two of them in a few long strides. “Let me.” And before he could stop himself, Ludwig had fallen into the old role again, taking care of the more hapless (or so he had seemed) Feliciano, but as he did so, he was acutely aware of a slight tremble in his hands, not that Feliciano noticed, having the decency to be a bit bashful about the other round bruises near his neck and collar. “Ah, she was a really pretty bella from your place Lud, with pretty black hair and a pair of breast that were just out of this world!” Ludwig tried rolling his eyes but his attentions were otherwise occupied, buttoning the shirt back up, the slight brush of his knuckles against Feliciano's skin as he jumped around impatiently, and all the while Ludwig found himself thinking that here, in this private space, he might be able to kiss Feliciano without having to deal with the prying eyes of everyone who knew everything about Feliciano's sex life. It wasn't that he would be embarrassed, he had been through worse, but that he would be compared, that Lovino would snigger and Francis would wonder if Ludwig could satisfy an appetite like Feliciano's. He had to remove his hands, out of buttons and out of time, they had to get back to the meeting now.  
Feliciano babbled on beside him, about his date, about how she had cooked breakfast for him before he left, and then one thing led to another of course, and he was very, very sorry he was so late. Ludwig had been tuning him out the whole time, fighting with that feeling again, but concern didn't seem to fit anymore, it was a chiller feeling, almost like fear. He could feel the tightening of his brow and the hunger that he had started to feel disappeared, his stomach too twisted for the idea of food. The only grace that he was permitted was that the meeting would only be another hour, and then they could all go home, and Ludwig could go back to his work, his dogs, and his solitude.  
Naturally, these things did not go as he had planned, and as he pulled up back home, so too did Feliciano, though it seemed that his brother was also with him, yelling something in Italian that Ludwig could not discern. Feliciano came bounding up the walkway to the front door before Ludwig had even gotten his keys out, and Lovino had sped off before he could rebuke Feliciano. “Feliciano, what are you doing here?” He asked with a sigh, unlocking the door and accepting the bounding Italian in with not quiet resignation; Ludwig felt something flutter, something which he tamped down quickly. The dogs were a whining, barking cacophony when Feliciano dove to the ground to pet and nuzzle them. “Lud, I'll change and make dinner soon, okay?” He turned his attention back to the dogs. “Who did I miss, I missed you!” He laughed as the dogs licked over his face. Ludwig himself was becoming exhausted watching him, and so retreated back to his room. He felt like he needed to shower, and just give himself room to breathe.


	2. Chapter 2

His room, empty all day but for himself, was still in the same order he had left it in, cool with the blinds drawn but stuffy; Feliciano would open the windows if he was going to take one of his siestas. The dress shirt felt like it was clinging to him, the tie felt tight around his throat, he felt antsy, his fingers wanting for something to do, some tactile source of containment. Meticulously, though, because Ludwig did not cut corners, he undid and put up his tie, laid up his shirt, replaced his shoes in their place and hung up his pants. He felt fidgety when suddenly there was a little crash downstairs, the sounds of Feliciano taking down pots and pans for dinner, and while Ludwig sighed, he felt as if the fist around his stomach relaxed. The water in the shower was hot and he felt himself relaxing, and when he finally turned the spray off, he heard the sound of the dogs whining outside his door. “Now now puppies, I'm sure daddy will be out soon.” Feliciano was heard soothing the dogs. Ludwig was just stepping out of the bathroom, towel around his waist, when Feliciano opened the door slightly but was overpowered by the dogs' desire to get to Ludwig. “Sich setzen.” Ludwig ordered, and the dogs settled, sitting back on their haunches, visibly waiting. Ludwig gave a small smile and found some treats he kept on his dresser for the dogs. While he fed them, he suddenly felt as though he was being watched and, looking up, found that Feliciano's eyes were on him, and self-consciousness settled in. “Feli, don't you have something on the stove? How many times have I told you not to leave burners on unattended?” Ludwig saw that Feliciano had the decency to look a bit sheepish, though he didn't seem to know that Ludwig had noticed his stares. Thankfully, Feliciano ducked out of the room to return to the open burners and the food that was waiting for his skill. Ludwig looked back to his dresser and saw in the reflection of his mirror that he had turned rosy from neck to nose, and the realization only made him redder. Why would it matter to him that Feliciano had seen him half dressed? It wasn't the first time, and Feliciano had slept naked in his bed countless times before. Where did the sudden awareness of his own body come from. Ludwig took a deep breath to calm down, and found himself looking at his reflection, trying to see what might be worthy of such an intense look. He was strong, this was evident, though not as powerful as he had been in years past. He was not flabby, all of him was put to use and maintained, but as he looked over himself, he felt a twinge of regret that he was not in some ways softer, that his appearance led to feelings of fear or avoidance. Was he not approachable to Feliciano? Even though he had spent nights curled up, sometimes uncomfortably so, against Ludwig's chest... Ludwig shook his head, slapping his face lightly to shake himself out of his thoughts, only to see that his face was warmer.  
When Ludwig finally made his way downstairs, he was greeted with a familiar melody of scents, garlic and oregano, the starchy smell of potato and sharp odors of cheese, many things that Ludwig didn't use much himself when making his own dinner, or when his brother came over to cook. Feliciano was humming to himself as he plated food, and Ludwig, announcing himself, set the table, retrieved a bottle of wine from a chiller, and met Feliciano back at the table. The spread was simple, but as Ludwig looked over it, he felt the hunger from earlier rise. “Woah, was that your belly Lud? Did you not eat lunch?” Feliciano laughed as he commented on the loud rumble of Ludwig's stomach. He flushed slightly, embarrassed by the reaction. “The food looks very good.” He said, endeavoring to move the subject along. “Thank you for cooking.” He heard his voice shrink, though he was unsure why it became so soft, but Feliciano laughed, poured wine, and invited Ludwig to start eating. The food was, of course, wonderful, especially to Ludwig who hadn't eaten but for that morning, and even the dogs had lined up to beg. Ludwig pretended not to notice Feliciano passing off bits of food to the dogs under the table, and talk was easy, a book or a museum exhibit that Feliciano wanted to take Ludwig to see in Venice or Naples, that the weather is perfect for sampling wine grapes before the harvest, and Ludwig feels that encroaching flood of feeling, something warm, and he thinks that it's probably just the wine.  
Feliciano decided he would stay the night, and by that he meant that Lovino was entirely unwilling to come pick him up, both for the hour of the night and also because he felt no qualms with inflicting his brother on Ludwig. Feliciano had clothing at Ludwig's house, so it wouldn't be a problem, even his impromptu visits infrequently provided any sort of trouble, but for some reason, Ludwig was increasingly on edge. Feliciano never used the guest room that he had set up for him, and while Ludwig sat in bed reading some novel, the idea that Feliciano was in the adjoining shower did nothing for this unfathomable surge of nerves. He folded and unfolded and refolded a corner of the page until it looked about ready to fall off, when the shower stopped and so did his measured breathing. Would he say something? Ludwig didn't even know if he wanted to, and he kept his mind as far away from the fact that Feliciano had spend the entire night with someone just yesterday. The door to the bathroom opened, everything steamed from the water, and Feliciano stepped out, towel wrapped around his waist and skin flushed from the shower. Ludwig could feel his heart beating irregularly, and his throat clenched almost painfully. But Feliciano made no move towards the bed, nor to remove the towel. Instead he took a deep breath of the cool air in the room before talking. “Thanks for letting me stay the night on such short notice Lud. Sleep well.” He smiled and turned for the door, and shut it behind him. Ludwig felt his heart drop into his stomach, his brain still trying to process what had happened. He told himself that he shouldn't be surprised, that Feliciano had been out and had had... relations with someone last night, and Ludwig himself was far from a fair bella, the kind which Feliciano so happily chased after, and why would he want him anyway? Ludwig, not wanting to dwell on it anymore, shut his book and turned off his lamp.  
Despite his efforts though, sleep was as elusive as ever, and in the dark he just stared up at the ceiling, or turned from one side to the other, neither offering any kind of relief to him. The house was still and the dogs did not seem to linger outside his door, more probable that they had gone to Feliciano's bed, since he liked to leave the door open for them. Ludwig was on his back again, the dark of the room not so dark anymore after an hour spent staring into it. Sleep seemed even further away, especially since now his thoughts were all falling to Feliciano. Had he become less affectionate towards him? Why would that be? Ludwig didn't think that he had changed that much, or that his actions towards Feliciano were anything less than what they normally were. Perhaps that was the problem, and he wasn't returning Feliciano's normal affections enough. The only problem that Ludwig had was his fear. The last time that he had tried to understand Feliciano's habits, it had all gone horribly, horribly astray, and they had resolved that their friendship worked out fine without Ludwig's attempts to deepen it into something else. But as he lay there in his bed, Ludwig realized that he was missing the familiarity of Feliciano in his bed, the light tossing and turning, even the soft snores were a comfort. Then Ludwig remembered what Feliciano had looked like coming out of the shower, and perhaps his mind embellished a few details, for certainly his towel hadn't been hanging so low on his hip, and the smile on his face could not have been one of seduction. What, though, if he had insisted on Feliciano staying? Ludwig had no thought of being ashamed of himself, even though he knew he had become half hard just from these ridiculously vanilla imaginings, but once started it was hard to stop. That same familiar clenching fist wound it's way up, making his stomach flutter, his heart beat fast, and a desperation that he would have never have admitted to crept through his veins; he wanted Feliciano, in whatever capacity he could posses him. He wondered, now idly stroking himself, his eyes falling shut, how Feliciano's fingers would feel in the same situation. Ludwig imagined Feliciano down the hall to be in a similar state, slim fingers stroking his own erection, and he felt his hands practically itch to be touching him. His cock was hot his his own hands, and his exhaustion didn't encourage him to draw out the feeling too long, so even as the need for release boiled under his skin and coiled in his belly, he resigned to it, light, tired sighs falling from his lips into the empty dark of his room, and he came with Feliciano's name on his lips, a whisper and a cry. He let his breathing level out before he cleaned himself, tired enough though his skin still vibrated with sensation, to fall into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The meeting this month was in France, and it was a relief to have status as a guest. Feliciano sat next to him, knocking feet and doodling pictures on his notes. Ludwig didn't have the heart to mind, he had felt tired for a few weeks now, and any force behind his words towards his friend had fallen away, and he thought Feliciano was starting to catch on. It wasn't getting any easier for him, it seemed that the same confused feelings were starting to come back to him. Feliciano though seemed untroubled, and he had been coming back to Ludwig's house to cook dinner and play with the dogs, but also stayed to help Ludwig's modest plant collection, watching movies with Ludwig. Everything about it was strange, and the itch never went away, it wasn't helpful either that Feliciano was, as always, rather affectionate, but still, for whatever reason, avoided Ludwig's bed, despite continuing to shower in his room. Here at least he would have his room to himself, and Feliciano would have his own shower and there would be no need for Ludwig to question himself. Wishful thinking indeed. Ludwig himself was still sitting up at the desk available for him in his room when there was a knock on his door. Pretending that he couldn't know who it was, Ludwig waited, thinking or perhaps hoping, that the knocking would stop and that he could pretend that he had never heard a thing. The knocking though did not stop, and Ludwig's guilt built up in his throat until he thought he wouldn't be able to breathe. Opening the door, Ludwig felt no surprise when he saw Feliciano standing there opposite himself. “Yes, Feliciano?” He choked out, his throat tight and his hands held firmly at his sides. “Can I sleep with you Lud? Brother is being mean and keeps hogging all the blankets, but you're warm and so I...” He trailed off, and Ludwig, his heart beating a million miles a second, did not see the small smile that Feliciano hid as he turned away in faux-shyness. Ludwig turned back and looked at the papers, trying not to imagine the implications that most likely did not exist. How many times had Feliciano shared his bed in the past when nothing had happened? There was no reason for this to be any different, and besides, his own brother could be a pain as well. “Sure, come in.” Ludwig mumbled, stepping out of the way for Feliciano to enter. Ludwig hadn’t noticed the soft qualities of the light until Feliciano was standing in it, or perhaps it was Feliciano who softened the hotel’s fluorescence. “I’ll be up a bit longer so, um, please make yourself comfortable Feliciano.” Ludwig was turning back to his work when a firm hand fell onto his arm. “When did you stop calling me Feli, Luddy?” Ludwig felt his body go rigid at the touch, and it didn’t feel like him to be so on edge with Feliciano, it didn’t feel normal. “Feli, I still have work to do, why don’t you get to bed? I’ll come in later.” Feliciano pouted, but all the same turned and went, taking Ludwig’s heart with him. He felt his stomach turn in a knot as Feliciano left for the bedroom, and he debated whether or not he would just sleep on the couch instead of tempting himself further. Tempt he did though, as he found the idea of another tedious hour of looking over papers that in all couldn’t possibly matter as much as Feliciano, who was at least his friend, waiting in his bed as not so friend-like thoughts flittered through Ludwig’s divided mind. ‘This is normal.’ ‘Could he want you?’ ‘I want him.’ And as he came to the admission, he knew, in some shameful part of his mind, that he would accept Feliciano even as another one of his one night affairs; and in the room he was not too surprised to see Feliciano spread out, naked, the sheets of the bed barely covering him as he looked through the book that Ludwig had left on his bed-side table. “Oh! There you are Lud! I thought you’d never get here.” Feliciano set the book aside and sat up, and Ludwig’s eyes followed the fall of the sheet, the way that it pooled around Feliciano’s soft waist and gave the the vaguest hint of an outline where it was spread over his thigh. Self-consciousness flooded him, the blush on his face mercifully hidden in the shadows thrown by the table lamp. His words failed him entirely, but Feliciano had action on his side, and without hesitation pulled Ludwig closer to the bed, until his knees knocked against the frame. “Ludwig, come to bed? You work too much.” Ludwig searched for words but found himself coming up empty, faced with Feliciano’s hand wrapped lightly around his wrist and his eyes completely trapped by Feliciano’s own. He sat, mechanically, his body responding while his mind strove to come up with a plan. “Lud, I don’t want to scare you, but…” Feliciano bit his lip here, searching for words and it was a relief to Ludwig who was struggling to do the same. “Feli…” Ludwig drew Feliciano’s attention up and he thought that he had more of a plan but instead he lent forward and kissed him, Feliciano’s lips soft and parted in a surprised gasp. He felt a hand thread through his hair and it encouraged him, let him move on with the kiss without second guessing. Ludwig let Feliciano’s hands guide him further up the bed, and startled when he felt the first pull of Feliciano’s hands on his clothing. Joining him, Ludwig pulled off his tie, his shirt, letting any item so removed fall haphazardly to the floor around the bed. Feliciano moved Ludwig’s hands to more appropriate places, on the waist that Ludwig had just been admiring. Ludwig marveled; Feliciano's skin was as soft as he imagined, his body more firm under his wandering hands than expected, and his movement's more sure than Ludwig wanted to consider. Feliciano was taking control though, and Ludwig was grateful, his own mind fell short of ideas that strayed beyond the desire for more. Feliciano revealed the stashed lubricant, though Ludwig was unsure of how he had brought it in without him noticing, and Feliciano, slowly, showed Ludwig what to do and how he liked it done. With two fingers pressed inside of Feliciano, Ludwig paused, his heart in his throat as a breathy moan breached Feliciano's kiss-swollen lips, his fingers grasping for purchase against the straining muscles of Ludwig's back. “Feli...” He whispered, leaning close enough to rest his forehead against Feliciano's, a third finger added as Ludwig gave a gentle thrust of his hand. The tremble of Feliciano's body was almost as audible as his desperately uttered “Lud, oh Ludwig!” and he was sure that he was seeing stars. Feliciano's hands moved to Ludwig's chest, pushing him and for a moment cold dread filled Ludwig that Feliciano might be having second thoughts. “Lie back Lud, I, oh... I have a condom around here somewhere.” Ludwig devoted no energy into doing anything but lying back as Feliciano told him to, and the hum of his body and arousal made his mind swim, though what Feliciano committed to next made him wonder if he would even last. Perched between Ludwig's thighs, his hands appreciating the firm muscles underneath them, Feliciano dipped down and pressed his lips against the head of Ludwig's arousal. Ludwig gasped, his fingers tangling into Feliciano's hair lightly, gently pressing small circles into his scalp as he trembled with the effort of holding still, and chastised himself for his excitement, until Feliciano's lips parted and erased thought entirely. Though it was only the lightest of suction and the smallest flicks of his skilled tongue, Feliciano had Ludwig breathing hard, biting his lip nearly bloody, but did not linger. Ludwig let out a breath he was not aware of holding when Feliciano's mouth retreated, replaced with hands that quickly rolled a condom down the length of his cock. Ludwig tried taking a steadying breath, but watching Feliciano straddle his waist, his own hips almost too narrow to compensate their physiological differences, but with Ludwig supporting him they managed, and Ludwig felt himself sink slowly into Feliciano's warmth. Despite his desperate desire to move, he remained still but for a slow roll of his hips, testing the feel of Feliciano, gripping hard at the sheets below himself as he repeated to himself over and over that this was happening, Feliciano had chosen him and now he was buried to the hilt inside of the most beautiful, wonderful man he had ever known. “Hey Lud, how does it feel?” Feliciano pulled himself up as much as his legs would allow before dropping back with a low groan. “I feel so good Luddy.” Ludwig was breathing quickly, his hands gripping Feliciano's thighs as he gave a slow thrust of his hips. “A-ah, I-” His breath hitched when he felt Feliciano give a teasing squeeze around him. “Good, Feli, so good.” Ludwig noted the smile on Feliciano's lips just before his movements became more pronounced, a rolling of his hips as he raised himself up again, Ludwig this time confident enough to meet him as he came back down, the lewd sound of flesh becoming the background to their moans and labored breath. Ludwig couldn't bear to passively enjoy Feliciano for much longer though, and pushed himself into a sitting position, helping Feliciano wrap his legs around his hips as Ludwig supported him with his hands firmly finding purchase on Feliciano's soft buttocks. “Harder Lud, okay?” Feliciano whispered into Ludwig's ear, his arms mimicking his legs and wrapping around Ludwig's shoulders. Ludwig only grunted in response before moving, never pulling out far but his thrusts pressing deeply into Feliciano, his forehead pressed into Feliciano's shoulder. He gasped, kissed and bit around Feliciano's neck and collarbone, his only thoughts of movement and closeness. The friction between them had Feliciano coming soon, and the momentum pulled Ludwig along with him as he spent himself. They remained bound together, neither willing to let the other go until Ludwig began to soften and become overly sensitive. “That was so good Luddy.” Feliciano praised with is words and his lips as he pressed the softest kisses to Ludwig's throat. “I... I should go clean up...” Ludwig mumbled as he tied off the condom and stood beside the bed. Feliciano mumbled in assent as he reclined back in the bed. Meanwhile, Ludwig took some time cleaning, washing his hands and face and his belly where Feliciano had come, struggling against the reality that this had probably been just a casual thing, and that he was okay with that, that it had been more wonderful than he had dared imagine. When he came back to the bed, Feliciano was still awake, waiting for him though without the modesty of the bed covers. “I was wondering when you would come back.” Feliciano purred, curling into Ludwig as he lay down. “I am here now, so we should sleep.” Ludwig worried he might sound too stiff, but Feliciano rested his head against Ludwig's chest all the same, and soon his soft breath betrayed sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Ludwig’s day had gone over horribly, dull, tedious, and empty. His house as he approached it was empty, the lights were off... except they weren't. There was a thin wisp of smoke coming out of the chimney, there were lights on on the first floor and in the bedroom. There was another car sitting in the double driveway that wasn't Gilbert's or Roderich's. The make might have given away the owner if it had been a little brighter out, but whoever it was, they had a key, the dogs were quiet, and Ludwig felt his stomach flip. He thought he might turn around now and get back in his car, see if Roderich was home and if he could spend the night. But it was his home, and he had answering to do for the weeks of silence between them. The silence had been on Ludwig’s part, of course. Feliciano had left voice mail messages asking Ludwig to call him, sent texts and an email to check on him. All more than he deserved. Ludwig's hand was remarkably steady as he reached for the door, his self-deprecation becoming nothing but background noise as the warm sound of a fire ate happily at dry logs, and then the notes of a guitar met him. Ludwig felt weak, the smell of food was coming out of the kitchen and beyond that, a soft night breeze that continued to billow in the low notes that were joined by a soft voice. " Lui non rispondo alle mie chiamate. Lui non sanno come mi sento. Lui ha lasciato, ma non per sempre. Lo conosco per nome. Conosco lo tocco. Il mio amore. Il mio cuore. Lui lo sa." Ludwig's ears rang with anxiety and he almost stopped there in the doorway, looking on at Feliciano in the small light of the porch. “Hey there Luddy!” Feliciano chimed, unsurprised to see him standing there. Ludwig himself froze. His hands felt awkward by his sides, in his pockets, and his tongue felt too thick in his mouth for words. Feliciano got up and set down the guitar before he began to walk towards Ludwig. “Il mio amore.” He sang again. “Il mio cuore.” Ludwig took a nervous step back but it did not deter Feliciano, who's hands set on Ludwig's elbows and held him, a firm gentleness in his grip. “Lui lo sa.” Feliciano stood there for a moment, holding Ludwig's gaze. Ludwig himself could feel his face heating with shame, because here stood the best man he knew, and he had used him for something so base. “Feliciano...” He choked, his throat suddenly too dry. “I'm so-rry.” His embarrassment only grew as he felt the hot sting of frustrated tears prickling at his eyes, dry because he had somewhere forgotten to blink. “No, no no Ludwig, you didn't do anything wrong.” Feliciano reached up and with the pad of his thumb brushed away a tear. “Luddy, come here.” Feliciano was insistent, and Ludwig's shame made him weak and he allowed Feliciano to pull him into an embrace, let him guide his head against his shoulder. “Luddy, what were you so worried about?” Ludwig had trouble finding his voice in that moment, and just let his arms wind around Feliciano's waist. It was more than he deserved. “I'm so sorry Feliciano.” He mumbled again, the only set of words he could actually get out. “You did nothing wrong, how many times must I tell you?” Ludwig felt the turn of Feliciano's head, the press of soft lips to his hair and it tormented him, Feliciano still was so loyal, and what had Ludwig done with it? His fingers gripped more tightly into Feliciano’s shirt, and the response was still ever more gentle. “Luddy, I’m not mad that you didn’t call back, but I was worried. I thought, maybe you didn’t like me anymore after that night? I thought you had a good time too but I could have been wrong-” “No!” Ludwig jumped back, clinging to Feliciano’s shoulders. “I… Iiked it very much. I just… I shouldn’t have made you…” Ludwig trailed off, but only because of the look on Feliciano’s face, it seemed as though he was moments from laughter, and Ludwig frowned, feeling suddenly self-conscious. “Oh Lud, how do you take me being naked in your bed as you making me do something?” Feliciano laughed as he lent forward and pressed his lips softly to Ludwig’s, and, so startled, Ludwig just sat there unable to react. “You didn’t hate it then?” Ludwig asked when Feliciano pulled away. “No! Of course not silly! Did I look like I hated it?” Feliciano drew Ludwig close again, their bodies laying together easily, though Ludwig was still stiff in Feliciano’s embrace as he struggled to process. They stood there though, Feliciano’s hands rubbing gentle circles against Ludwig’s back, and somewhere Ludwig’s shirt had also been untucked, and there were Feliciano’s hands again, warm against his skin. “I felt really good, you were so gentle, I was almost surprised that a big guy like you could move so carefully.” Feliciano cooed as Ludwig’s face heated tremendously. He began to relax, winding his arms around Feliciano again and swaying gently in the middle of the kitchen. Then his stomach made a horrible, mood shattering sound. “Ahaha!” Feliciano’s face split in a smile, and he pulled Ludwig over to the stove where some covered pots sat waiting. “You’re in luck, me and the puppies made dinner!” Ludwig barely paid attention as Feliciano pulled the pots off the stove and put the food onto plates, and he was faintly aware of the fond, soft smile had rested on his face, and he followed behind Feliciano who reached over to him from time to time with a touch to his wrist or shoulder, or a kiss and Ludwig found himself floating through dinner, right to the couch with the fire crackling softly in front of them. “I love you Ludwig… I should have told you then.” Feliciano murmured into Ludwig’s shoulder as he turned one of Ludwig’s hands between his own. Ludwig didn’t speak for a moment, overcome but not surprised. “I love you, Feliciano.” They laughed, warm with wine and fire, and Feliciano gave Ludwig a gentle shove. “Don’t you hide from me again! Or else!” And Ludwig chuckled. “Or else? You’ll break into my house and cook dinner?” He looked down at Feliciano, some unknowable feeling welling up inside of him, which Feliciano answered with a kiss, more lengthy than the first. “Yes, yes I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, I am trash, but this is done! Thank you so much for encouraging me through this! I hope you enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm updating every week provided I'm not trash.


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